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Rhys Pickering by Gustavo Lopez Manas - Client Style Guide

I feel like I’ve been going through an internal struggle for quite some months now ..

An inner struggle between what my heart feels and cries out for and what my mind yells at me to forget, ignore, put away ..

Some times my heart wins the battle and I allow myself to miss everything about you .. The way your hair smells and the the way your skin tastes .. The silly things we’d do together .. The way you’d snuggle into the perfect spot on my chest before falling asleep .. Our pizza parties in bed .. Our 30 second dance parties .. Random hugs and soft kisses …

I have saudades for you .. I smile and I laugh at myself and our memories ..

Then somehow my mind creeps up and puts my heart on a choke hold .. Forcing him to remember the not so good things .. The constant questioning .. The lies .. The fights .. The hurt … He reminds my heart of the bruises he now has because of it all .. And the pain of it all forces my heart to quiet down .. To listen .. To pay attention and to look forward and not back …

Sounds easy enough ..

So my heart quiets down .. He still thinks about you .. But he does it in silence .. Maybe my mind is right and it’ll be less and less as time passes … Yet secretly I love the moments when my heart wins over my mind .. So what does that mean ?

I think it just means you will forever be a part of my life .. I might even always have feelings of love for you …

But while my heart wants to love you .. My mind just wants me to accept the love I have for you-carry it in my heart and grow from it ..

See - growing from the love I have for you doesn’t mean I need to be with you .. Maybe it means I need to let you go so you can also grow from the love we have towards each other ..

I’m not exactly sure about anything most of the time …

And I don’t think I need to be …

I’m not even sure this is the end of the story .. But maybe it’s the end of the chapter .. And maybe I’ll just have to catch up with you later after a couple other chapters have been read .. Maybe then .. Maybe then ..

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